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The A-Z of Damage Sponges

Version 1.85 (November 2024)

Last ten additions;
Murder, Sticky Ending, Splash Zone, Z-axis (Dancing on The), Tasseography, Sleaze, Pink Missed, FOTUS, Red Shirt, Snoozer Manoeuvre, Clam Slam.

A

[ Accuracy ] A common skill stat. The importance of which is inversely proportional to how well you did in the game.

[ Assist ] A potential kill that has been stolen by someone else. Usually by Darwi.

B

[ Backs to the Wall ] General mind set of the Sponge. Also a handy tactic to avoid being Ninja-d by Jimbo.

[ Beaver ] The second best map of all time - Halo 3's "Beaver Creek". Best played as God intended; shaved 'bare' of all weapons and power-ups - and everyone armed with shotguns.

[ Black Widow ] see Camper.

[ Boomstick ] Fancy name for a shotgun.

[ Bunny Hop ] The futile act of continuously jumping across the map in the hopes that Nibbles can't shoot you. Spoiler alert - he can.

[ Button Dyslexia ] A common neurological disorder where there is a disconnect between the brain and fingers. Results in an unwanted action (eg. jumping) instead of the one immediately required to survive (eg. ducking behind cover).

C

[ Calling Shotgun ] Why Mr Snoozer, I would love to go for a drive with you. My K/D was getting too high anyway.

[ Camo ] A low life cheating bastard.

[ Camo-mile ] a fruity herbal tea-bag delivered while using camo. New-age pretentious rubbish.

[ Camper ] Someone who likes to hide in shadowy nooks and prey upon unsuspecting passers-by. Not very nice people.

[ Camping ] It's not a legitimate strategy.

[ Casper ] Not as friendly as you think.

[ Charge ] The one military tactic Sponges are naturally good at. Just not so much on the staying alive bit.

[ Cheesing ] Using a cheap tactic to get kills. Eg. noob combos, armour colours that blend into the background of the map, spartan charging, and using active camo.

[ Chaffing ] Common tea-bagging injury. Best treated with lanolin (none of that aloe-vera bullshit).

[ Chill ] The opposite of sweaty. A game you are winning comfortably.

[ Choke ] Giving up a 40 point head start and still losing. Also referred to as doing a "Walshy".

[ Clam Slam ] See V-bag.

[ Communication ] The constant stream of expletives that typically emanate from the sponge in it's resting state (which is while waiting to respawn).

[ Controller Advantage ] The sole reason someone using MNK always loses a gunfight to a controller user. See MNK Advantage.

[ Coughing Bullets ] A particularly spongy game. As in, "I was shot so many times that by the end I was literally coughing bullets".

[ Crouch Walker ] Someone who spends the entire match waddling around on their knees. They look ridiculous. Please tea-bag them immediately.

D

[ Dip Dip Potato Chip ] Legendary web cartoon that helped to normalise tea-bagging. Worth a look up on YouTube.

[ Distraction ] A highly coveted medal (Halo 5) for Sponges. Often the difference between winning and losing a game.

[ Double Bag ] The act of tea-bagging two opponents at once - or two people bagging the same opponent. See Tea-bag.

[ Double Kill ] Two sponges standing next to each other.

[ Doughnut ] An acceptable score for any Sponge. Anything more is gravy. And nobody expects gravy on their doughnuts.

E

[ Equal Starts ] That brief moment, off the rip, when everyone has the same score, weapons, hopes, and dreams. A temporary state for a sponge.

[ Exhausted ] The natural resting state of a sponge.

F

[ Fiesta ] A supercool and chaotic game type where you spawn in naked with a wooden spoon and a small knife for paring fruit - while everyone else "randomly" gets energy swords and rockets.

[ FFA ] Acronym 'Free for All'. Not the type of game where sponges generally excel. Best avoided.

[ Fortnite ] A bar too low. For most of us. But not Snoozer.

[ FOTUS ] So called "Fist Of The UnicornS". A helmet so obnoxiously pointy that it just screams tea-bag me. But be careful as the risk of injury is high.

[ FPS ] Acronym. First Person Sponges.

[ FR4C7URE ] Because we all love a good 7E4-B46.

[ Fur Baller ] Tea-bagging while wearing the cat's ears armour attachment. Guaranteed to inflict maximum indignity.

G

[ GG ] abbreviation for "Go and Get". As in GG fucked. Best delivered in a cheery, friendly way. "Thanks, GG everybody".

[ Glowing ] Nothing good. Run away - someone has over-shield and/or is about to blow up.

[ Good Try ] Phrase. To fail.

[ Griefer ] Someone who is harassing you on purpose. Can often be a team-mate. There is a special place in Hell reserved for such people. But we forgive you Batty.

[ Gruntled ] A sense of well being that only comes from a particularly satisfying bagging.

[ Guy ] One of the various members of the Rolle-clan; Big-Guy, Little-Guy, Tiny-Guy, Itty-bitty-Guy, Couch-Guy, and Somewhat-Aggressive-Guy. Often interchangeable as you can never be sure which one is behind the controller (or retired to the couch).

[ Gulch ] The best MP map. EVER. Despite the fact that it really doesn't play that well. Iconic.

H

[ Hill, The ] Like moths to a flame, so we have Sponges to the Hill.

[ Husky Raid ] Capture the flag. A tiny open corridor between you and the enemy. No where for a Sponge to hide. What else could go possibly go wrong? Oh, that's right - random weapons. Soak up the chaos.

I

[ Iced tea ] Whoa, that was cold...

[ Invite ] From Batty, with love.

J

[ J-Turn ] Driving your warthog up and over the edge of a cliff (in an inverted J pattern). Well, that took a J-turn.

K

[ K/D ] A completely irrelevant and over-rated stat.

[ KDA ] A slightly less irrelevant stat - but way more confusing.

[ Kill Streak ] Something that other people do. To us. A lot.

[ Killtrocity ] A mass culling of Sponges.

L

[ Lag ] A convenient throw away excuse when you've just stuffed up an encounter you should have won. "Oh my God... the lag!".

[ Latency ] An even more "technical" excuse to switch to when people get sick of you complaining about the lag. "Oh my God... the latency!".

[ Lone Wolf ] Batty.

M

[ MNK Advantage ] The sole reason someone using a controller always loses a gunfight to a MNK user. See Controller Advantage.

[ Murder ] Classic battle cry of the Bat.

[ MVP ] Acronym; Most Valuable Porifera. The Sponge every time.

N

[ 'Nade spam ] That awkward (and messy) moment when you realise the enemy knows exactly which room you are hiding in.

[ NAT ] Abbreviation for Network Address Translation. Somebody else's problem.

[ NN ] Abbreviation for "Nice 'nade". A particularly well placed and/or timed grenade throw. Usually a fluke. Often issued with an apology for the collateral damage it is about to cause (see Sorry).

[ Noob ] Juvenile Sponge.

O

[ Oddball ] A special game type specifically designed so Sponges have something to do.

[ Ohnosecond ] The fraction of time it takes to realise that you've stepped into Ryno's sniper sights before he actually pulls the trigger.

[ Old School ] A kill that didn't require any of the new-fangled movement mechanics such sprinting, sliding, thrusting, hovering, and/or charging. Kicking it 'old school'.

[ One Hump ] Or two? Which is indeed, a pertinent question.

P

[ Pink Missed ] When a Sponge wields the Needler and pink needles fly everywhere except on target. The opposite of what you need for the medal / achievement "Fear the Pink Mist".

[ Piston ] A co-ordinated team-bag where players alternate on the up and down motion like a bunch of engine pistons.

[ Plan ] We're still working it out. We definitely know it's not "Let's hold up in this room and let them come to us". But whatever it ends up being, I'm sure we will all love it when it comes together.

Q

[ Quigley ] The inevitable outcome of Damage Sponge standing directly behind a team-mate.

R

[ Radar ] The what?

[ Rage Quit ] Has anyone seen Radster?

[ Red Shirt ] The Star Trek equivalent of a Damage Sponge.

[ Reload Time ] A quantum based dynamic unit of time. Directly proportional to the number of enemies currently firing upon you.

[ Resting State ] A Damage Sponge waiting to respawn.

[ Road Kill ] Anyone foolish enough to climb into the passenger seat when Willie is driving the warthog.

[ Rocket Launcher ] A particular weapon that turns any Sponge foolish enough to try and wield it into the Halo equivalent of a suicide Grunt. Casualties on the other team are rare.

[ Rodeo Bag ] And the horse you rode in on...

[ Rookie ] The newest member of the team (regardless of skill level). Welcome Jimbo.

S

[ Salted Nuts ] Being on the receiving end of a bagging from someone who is visibly upset by something - to the point that even their nuts were salty.

[ Salty ] Someone who has just been beaten by a Sponge and is struggling to comprehend why they are being enthusiastically tea-bagged by someone who is 25 points down.

[ Shotgun ] 1. Our favourite boom stick in the entire game. 2. The passenger seat in the warthog. Also known as the "death seat" (when Snoozer is driving).

[ Side Quest ] Taking a slight detour from the objective to tea-bag someone. Adding to the treasure chest.

[ Situational Awareness ] Not a particularly strong suit for sponges. As in, WTF was that?

[ Sleaze ] Collective noun for a group of Sponges. Seems about right.

[ Sniper ] Someone of extraordinary skill. Can either be a hero (your team) or a complete and utter bastard (opponent). And in the case of Rhyno, a bit of both.

[ Snoozer ] The most enthusiastic of all Sponges. Until 10pm, after which he is too exhausted to care.

[ Snoozer Manoeuvre ] Carefully positioning your warthog over a rocky outcrop so that none of the wheels are in contact of with the ground. Lulling your team-mates into a true sense of insecurity.

[ Sorry ] Standard apology. Usually delivered in a hurry by a teammate so that you know that the grenade that is just about to kill you wasn't deliberate.

[ Special Delivery ] When you "accidentally" attach a sticky 'nade to a teammate as they rush into battle. But worth it when their noble sacrifice delivers you a multi-kill.

[ Splash Zone ] The minimum distance you should stand from your Sponge teammate when they have rockets in hand. And no, a plastic poncho isn't going to help.

[ Sponge ] Someone who is happy to soak up damage from an opponent to buy time for their (more talented) teammates to win the battle. The ultimate team player. The foundation of any victory.

[ Sponge Bath ] Like a blood bath. But with more loofahs.

[ Spongosaur ] An elder statesman of the Sponge persuasion.

[ Spray and Pray ] The preferred method for Sponges to deal damage. Best done with the 'Assist' rifle.

[ Sticky Ending ] An aggressive and somewhat messy form of Tea-bagging that ends with the throwing down of a plasma grenade.

[ Strafe ] The frantic and panicked left-right movement that immediately precedes a "plus one" in your death column. Often involves a futile attempt to distract your opponent by jumping into the air and/or throwing a grenade over their head.

[ Strafe Word ] A phrase uttered in desperation to try and stop an opponent from -yoinking- you. The generally accepted default is usually 'cumquat'.

[ Strategic Rest ] Waiting to respawn. A Tactical Timeout.

[ Strategy ] The big picture decisions that influence the outcome of a game. Always best discussed in retrospect.

[ Streamer ] Someone who makes a living out of humiliating Damage Sponges on YouTube.

[ Super Fiesta ] A frenetic state of complete gaming confusion. We literally have no idea what's going on except that it's a) "Super", and b) a "Fiesta".

[ SWAT ] Acronym; Silly Weapons Aimed Terribly.

[ Sweat ] Someone who is better at Halo than you are. Also Sweaty; a game you are in the process of losing. The opposite of chill.

T

[ Tactical Timeout ] Waiting to respawn. A Strategic Rest.

[ Tag 'n Bag ] The greatest game script in Halo history. We are still in awe. Thank you Exterrest1al.

[ Tasseography ] The nuanced art of identifying symbols and interpreting cosmological messages found in the shapes and configurations of tea-leaves. But all we can see in your future is a bagging.

[ Tea-bag ] The act of comforting a vanquished opponent by dabbing your codpiece upon their fevered brow. Usually accompanied by a few choice words of encouragement; eg. "Can you taste that?". Not to be confused with the sexual act of the same name.

[ Team ] There is no "I" in team. Or "U". Sorry, what's the point again? I don't know, but there is "TEA".

[ Thelma ] The passenger in any vehicle being driven by Snoozer. Reference to the ending of the movie "Thelma and Louise".

[ Tuesday ] Halo night. Nothing else.

[ Truth ] Something none of us can handle. Especially when energy swords are involved.

U

[ Unguoy ] The Covenant's equivalent of a Damage Sponge.

V

[ V-bag ] We are many things, but sexist isn't one of them.

[ Vulture ] A player who can somehow sense a skirmish taking place on the far side of the map, time their arrival perfectly to clean up the remaining players before their shields can regenerate, and then pick the bones clean for ammo and weapons.

W

[ Warm Up ] A couple of quick crouches off the rip. They may cost you a few seconds on the race to the power ups, but you will be rewarded when you execute a flawless bag on the first attempt.

[ Warning Shot ] The first rocket or sniper shot fired, which invariably sails over the head of the intended target. Not necessarily deliberate, but whatever, that was your "warning shot".

[ Warthog ] Vehicle. Also used as a measure of distance. Approximately 6m (20ft). eg. The sniper rifle is about three warthogs to your left.

[ Wobbly ] 1. An unfortunate medical condition that requires urgent attention. 2. An angry outburst (as in 'to chuck a Wobbly'). 3. Snoozer's arch-nemesis.

X

[ Xylospongium ] Insult - The sponges that ancient Romans used on a stick to wipe their bum. A shit sponge.

Y

[ Yoink ] The opposite of yeet. Stealing a kill from a team mate mid-assassination. The sweetest of all kills. Can also be used as a swear word.

Z

[ Z-axis ] As in dancing on the z-axis; a graceful and rhythmical Tea-Bag. Often with a pretty pirouette.
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